He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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