you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
