party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
