You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
