One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
