Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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