My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't deserve a penis
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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