you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
