The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
