I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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