I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
