Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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