a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
