What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
