hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
