I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My friends, they love my intelligence
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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