Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
