Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
