none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
