wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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