before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
