dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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