well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
