I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
