JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
