Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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