I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
