I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
