Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
