and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
