is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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