there was a trapeze. enough said
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
