that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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