you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
