I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
