when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
