I met the friendliest cop last night
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
