Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
