if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
