There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
