Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
