I wish I could teleport
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
