u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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