I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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