Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
