Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
