i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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