i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
