I cannot find my penis.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
