i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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