return my video game
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
