3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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