dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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