i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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