She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
