oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
