I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
