Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
